my horcrux

it’s been a year and a half for me, living away from my hometown. from my mum, dad and brother. from my friends and also from anything that “really me”.
i feel emptiness. missing some part of my life. especially here at my now rented small room. i feel like some parts of me have been separated and destroyed from myself. makes me so weak as time goes by. weak and dying.

google-box. i always lived with TV since I was a kid. it was my first technology that i know. i learnt so much stuff from it. ancient TV SHARPS, 14” POLYTRON, and the last ones 29” PHILLIPS Pixel Plus was my Mahaguru at home.

Mr. Oren. he is my computer-set at my home. i’ve got it from my parents on my 2nd year at my university. i always play him everyday. he is my creativity tools.

Kumbang and Kevin.
Kumbang is a HONDA Astrea Grand that had been transformed by my brother into something that looks like a bug. he is my mentor that encouraged my adventurer side.
Kevin is a SHOGUN 125 that always is my ride. Kevin is very close to me. i was a working-student since my 4th year at my college life, and my salary was contributed to finish Kevin’s installment. nothing come easily yet at my life, always need big efforts and passions to get anything.

it’s been a year and a half, feels like living in an ice age era. all the things that growth my knowledge, creativity, and accommodate my adventure side seems like stuck and far away from me.
i’ve been trying so hard to keep my self away from insanity. keep my self for not give up to create another horcrux without killing anything *ha.. ha.. ha* at any place where i should belong.

*) a horcrux is a fictional magical object in the harry potter series by j. k. rowling. it is a dark magic device created to attain immortality.

earth... did i hurt you a lot?

there's a lot of rivers in Jakarta... ga cuma di ibu kota, i think there's a lot of rivers also in Indonesia. bahkan kost-an aku juga dekat dengan sungai.
mostly, sungai berada di belakang rumah penduduk. and mostly, pipa saluran pembuangan mengarah ke sungai, untuk membuang air bekas cucian atau mandi yang mostly mengandung detergen.
dan karena lokasinya yang ditempatkan di belakang rumah, sungai jadi tidak terawat... banyak ditumbuhi rumput liar, banyak binatang melata... or jadi angker, he3x.
andaikan saja... sungai tidak diposisikan di belakang rumah... tapi di depan rumah, pastinya akan lebih terjaga kebersihannya dan menjadi sebuah pemandangan yang asri... remember the concept of Venice with the water transportation.

i just ask myself... seberapa besar aku turut mencemari sungai? setiap aku cuci baju, cuci piring, mandi... seberapa sakit aku menyakiti bumi ini?
dan karena aku percaya karma... seberapa besar bumi akan menuntut pertanggungjawaban padaku karena menyakitinya?

that's why we have disaster? earth with natural forces will do anything to balanced the system. and what would hapen to us when it really hapen? end of days... we should believe on that day... we should prepare ourselves for that day... nothing to fear coz it will happen, no doubt about it...

earth... did i hurt you a lot? did any simple thing i did hurt you?
sebenernya hal-hal sederhana dan sepele memang sangat besar dan penting artinya... buang sampah pada tempatnya for example.

i think i totally forgot all about planology. secara aku sarjana teknik jurusan planologi alias tata kota. maklum lah, nasib membawa diriku bekerja tidak pada disiplin ilmu. yeah... realita mengalahkan idealisme.
aku inget satu mata kuliah... hmm sebenernya berkaitan dengan mata kuliah yang lain... aku koreksi deh, aku inget satu pokok bahasan mengenai sanitasi dan sampah. everything about it is so complicated, sama seperti pokok bahasan lain seperti perumahan, drainase, air bersih, sarana dan prasarana...

i think the answer key is three... management, human resources and sustainability maintenance.
segala sesuatu mengenai penataan kota sangat tergantung dengan manajemen perkotaannya... seberapa stabil, rapi, tegas, dan kuat manajemen penataan dan pelaksanaannya.
bagaimana pula dengan sumber daya manusia nya, even itu the government or the society yang mengatur, menjalani, dan menaati manajemen yang dibuat.... oh dan satu lagi, seberapa tinggi sumber daya manusia itu untuk tidak melakukan penyelewengan terhadap suatu manajemen itu hanya untuk sebuah kepentingan kapitalis dan materialis.
dan bagaimana segala sesuatu manajemen dan pelaksananya mampu berjalan dengan pemeliharaan berkesinambungan, having consistency to everything...

and that won't hurt the earth a lot, but that'll be keep it in balance...

nokia 6300

thx God for technologies..! thx to my bro for this 6300 n forgive me for being egois, hekeke namanya juga lil sister. and so i'm trying to maximize the function of this cellphone. aku emang gaptek klo soal GPRS.. its only to satisfy kenarsisanku at first when i fullfilled my pasion on traveling *dont have pocket camera :p* its been a year since i got this 6300 from my bro, since i activate the gprs and since i add some applications.. thx God i have this technology as my only entertainment at my boarding life. radio, music player, blog, fb, ym, games, google, camera.. not bad lah even it's not a QWERTY keypad n make my jempol a lil bit varises typing this post. hakakaka.. lebay deh.

a view from top

bellow are the view from top of Museum Bank Mandiri.

city street at night. the lights from the traffic and building. keren yah.

and bellow is the view from top of my boarding house balcony at the afternoon.

remind you of something? some scene from TV series 'Si Doel Anak Sekolahan'. yeaaahh... he's alive! mas karyo is alive! bwahaha haha ha... so a kind of 'mas karyo', they do really exist in the real life. tau ga, tu orang bener-bener bawa buku kecil panjang *the one like the tailors had* buat nyatetin debet-kredit plus cicilan barang dagangannya. that was so catchy for me at that time.

*blank*

dear blog,

i dunno what to say, i dunno what to think
i dunno what to see, i dunno what to blink
i dunno what to eat, i dunno what to drink
*i dunno what makes it into a rime*

i dunno where to stand, i dunno where to go
i dunno where to run, i dunno where to stop
i dunno where to hide, i dunno where to seek

i dunno who am i now, i dunno who am i yesterday
i dunno who am i tomorrow, i dunno who's know me
i dunno who's the stranger is, i dunno if i know them

i dunno why am i writing here, since i realize i dunno what to tell
i dunno why am i feeling this way, since i realize i do feel weird
i dunno why am i sad, since i realize i always smile

i dunno when it starts, i dunno when it will stop
i dunno when i make my first step, i dunno if i just arrived
i dunno when it takes my time, i dunno if it takes my time already

i dunno how to understand, since i realize that i understand it
i dunno how should it be, since its already be
i dunno how to fix, i dunno how to mess up

i dunno what to feel coz i'm feeling empty
and i hate it when i feel blank


try to keep loving myself,
then loving my surround.

i found a lot of thing

pulang kerja Dian niat ke warnet, mo liat tag photo dari temen². kirain banyak photo yang di add, ternyata cuma beberapa aja. wew.. udah terlanjur ambil paket, facebook-an juga udah bosen. akhirnya Dian browsing² ga jelas.

iseng liat video you-tube nya Marshanda *i think its normal aja, mungkin karena dia artis jadinya heboh*. keisengan berikutnya, buka google dan mengetikkan nama diri sendiri *salah satu bentuk ke-narsis-an diri*. i think google is awesome... ga nyangka aja dari mengetikkan nama, banyak link yang refer ke Dian. mostly sih ke blog Dian sendiri... tapi yang ga mostly, cukup bikin amaze aja. i found a lot of thing. Dian jadi berpikir... so that's what other people think about me. so that's what other people ever gossiping about me.

dan parahnya, apa yang Dian lakukan dengan maksud untuk kebaikan semata, ternyata malah jadi salah paham. ketika pihak lain menanggapi kebaikan Dian dengan terlalu berekspetasi Dian akan melakukan super kebaikan *melebihi batas kemampuan Dian*, mereka pun jadi kecewa... dan Dian tidak berani membayangkan apa yang akan dipikirkan dan dilakukan orang yang sedang kecewa.
Dian ga bisa melakukan apa pun, tidak juga untuk sebuah klarifikasi karena semuanya terjadi di belakang Dian dan itu pun di waktu yang lampau. Dian percaya time will heal everything, so Dian hanya bisa berkata "sorry.. i didn't know. sorry.. i didn't notice."

anyway terima kasih. just try to forgive me, coz i'm also try to forgive you all too.
also... menyambut Ramadhan, selamat menunaikan ibadah puasa. mari berjuang bersama hingga tiba hari yang fitri!!!

a lil bit lonely

movin' to my new place... a boarding house, the room is all mine. kost baru ku ada di daerah Pakubuwono Residence, i'm not stay there, but at the slum area behind those exclusive place... biasalah namanya juga 'dualisme perkotaan'.

ada 10 kamar... mostly mbak-mbak nya kerja di butik sebagai pemasang payet, mas-mas nya pegawai kantoran n ada yang proyekan, ada juga suami-istri. resiko sebagai anak baru, musti mengenal n adaptasi ama tetangga-tetangga kamar. so far so good lah, i know them, they know me...
the problem is, my hobby... sebuah kegiatan minat khusus yang sangat langka which is berpetualang ke museum atau situ sejarah... aku harus mulai dari awal lagi untuk mengkampanyekan hobby ku itu. i did it at my previous place, hmmm this time anggaplah sebagai sebuah perjuangan demi sebuah rasa nasionalisme. hi3x... sebuah tantangan!

hari ni tadi aku ikut 'Napak Tilas Proklamasi'. berawal dari sebuah info ketika 2 minggu lalu ada kegiatan jelajah budaya. i was confused mo ajak sapa, karena ga berhasil ajak sapa-sapa akhirnya aku berangkat sendirian deh.. toh ntar juga ketemu banyak orang.
sorangan diri naek busway turun di halte kwitang, wondering which way should i take by my foot to get to menteng. dalam ketidak pastian dan depend on my place attachment 2 weeks a go, finally.... i found the Gedung Joeang 45. yay!! ketemu familiar face dari MBM, and so enjoying the day with those activity.
rame-rame deh walking from start point at Gedung Joeang 45, trus barengan dengan marching band, komunitas veteran, pramuka, pelajar, komunitas sepeda ontel dan komunitas lain kita ke Museum Perumusan Naskah Proklamasi (ex. rumah dinas Laksamana Maeda), lanjut ke Tugu Proklamasi (ex. Jl Pegangsaan Timur no. 56). jika saja tidak terbatas waktu dan biaya, pasti penculikan ke Rengasdengklok kita jabanin deh, hakakaka... not by foot tapi musti sewa bus kalik.... hakakaka... aku tadi juga taking picture di plakat² kantor perwakilan kedutaan beberapa negara, imagine if in ordinary day you doing so, the security pasti bakal interview macem² and the worst is bisa² dikira teroris and diproses and diii... hiiiii... cuma gara-gara mo foto aja bisa jadi kasus berkepanjangan, hakakaa...

anyway i take this sebagai ganti Upacara Bendera untuk memperingati detik² kemerdekaan Indonesia tercinta. (coz besok musti make sure acara anak-anak doing well di Senayan City - Glorify for Indonesia)


Selamat Ulang Tahun Kemerdekaan Indonesia ke-64. MERDEKA!!!


ps: buat sapa aja yg tadi taking picture of me, buruan di tagged ya *nglirik Mas Marsad* especially pose-ala-naek-Firebolt mo tak jadiin profile pic di FB ^^